I am in the dark place.

I won’t always be bitter, but I am right now. I resent people discussing their cute, fat babies. I resent cute, pregnant women. I resent conversations at lunch about all of the adorable grandchildren. I resent baby showers and baby aisles and strollers and facebook pictures. I am angry, but, most of all, I am so incredibly sad.

I saw a poster the other day and it said “Babies are a Gift from God”.  Honestly, it made me want to throw my dishes across the room. Of course, babies are a gift. But, according to the philosophy of the poster, they are just not a gift that God will give to us. 

I want to scream when someone mentions us having kids.  They don’t know; of course, they don’t know.  But why can’t they leave me alone??

When people tell me it will all work out, I want to punch them in the face. 

 If one more person tells me that our infertility is part of God’s plan, I will blow a blood vessel and they will cart me off to the asylum. 

Let me be perfectly clear. I am not going to punch people. I just smile, nod, and hide my pain.

But, saying “it will all work out” to someone who is going through a crisis negates their suffering and trivializes their pain. Of course it will all work out. I am not going to drop dead simply because I am infertile. However, that does not mean that it will all work out for the better. It does not mean that I am not incredibly sad.  It will work out one way or another. It might turn out okay and it might not. I am well aware of that. It keeps me up at night and it absolutely is not what I need to hear from every person who finds out about our situation.

Don’t assume that our childlessness is easily solved. Don’t tell us that God has planned for this. He didn’t. The failures and destruction of our bodies, his creation, are not part of His plan. That does not mean that He will not meet us in our suffering, but he certainly did not intend for it. God does not plan for pain and he does not plan for loss.

(I warn my students about the dangers of the pronoun you in their writing. Who is this you? Is it me? Is it all readers? It sometimes carries with it an accusatory tone.  You should do this, etc.  I tell them to avoid the second person at all costs. It is unnecessary in academic writing. I try to avoid using it as well. I am going to make an exception. For all of you that do these things, this is for you.)